My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
