I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
