As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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