Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
