Nicole vs. Life
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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