She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
