lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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