...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
