Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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