He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
