That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
