His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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