put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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