Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
