when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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