my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
