Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
