The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
