Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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