if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
