Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
