You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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