Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
