DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
