If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
