Where did you get a picture of my penis
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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