She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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