smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
