1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
