I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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