just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
