Me too!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
