Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
