: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
