Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
