What did we do last night that was yellow?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
