I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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