yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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