morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
