We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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