I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
