Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
