Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
