Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
