cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
