i think my mom watched the whole time
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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