This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
