Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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