after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
