im six kinds of drunk right now
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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