Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
