and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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