OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've blown a few things in my day
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you had me at cake vodka
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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